Safe at Summer Camp: Talking to Kids about Sexual Abuse and Summer Lovin’

6/12/2018

Summer is here and if you’re like many parents, you have booked summer camps for your kids to attend, so they don’t drive you insane *COUGH*, I mean, so they have a well-balanced summer. Camp can be summed up as new kids + new adults = new social dynamic, so now’s the time to brush up on convos about bodies and boundaries.

I want to start out by saying that the majority of sexual abuse is perpetrated by someone the victim knows well (1), so stranger danger doesn’t quite live up to its reputation. But next up in perpetrator probability are people who your kid knows well but you do not (2). Hence, summer camps! Now, mind you, I’m writing this post as a mom and sex educator, not necessarily as the prevention scientist and professor that I also am because (to my knowledge) there hasn’t been a ton of research on summer camps.

But really, summer camp is so fun! I went to them as a kid and send my own kid to them, so I don’t think they are dangerous spaces. But they are spaces for kids to apply their social knowledge and practice their social skills in a new environment. Consider addressing the following:

Private parts. If your kid does not already refer to their genitalia as a vulva/vagina or penis/scrotum, now’s the time! Too many people call the penis a “pee-pee” and the vagina a “hoo-haw.” Why are we afraid of these words, and why shouldn’t our children know what their body parts are called? Adults tend to sexualize genitalia, but kids don’t see it that way—nor should they. A penis is just another body part, like a nose or an arm. Giving it a funky name makes it taboo, which it shouldn’t be. We want our kids to know who they are and what they’ve got, right? That’s not going to happen if we discuss their genitalia as some mysterious entity that we shall not speak of. Still not convinced? Sexual abuse perpetrators look for victims who are shy and do not have the correct terminology for their genitals. These kids are easier to abuse and less likely to say no or tell an adult. Need I say more?
Consent. Your kid will be playing with new friends with new power dynamics. So now is the time to discuss rules of play (aka sexual consent for older teens). Teach your kid that if they perceive someone to be uncomfortable (through body language or otherwise), they need to stop, check in, and listen. Even preschoolers can be taught that if someone is crying or bummed, they should stop playing immediately.
Appropriate relationships. Many camps are run by super star-young people who are genuinely interested in working with kids. That said, you never know who could have ulterior motives. So, be sure your kid knows that anytime an older person is spending more time with one kid than another or is spending time alone with a kid, that’s not appropriate and should be looked into. Middle and high-schoolers should know it’s not normal for a senior or college student to be pursuing an 8th grader or freshman. Anytime there is more than a 2-year age difference, teach your kid to think twice about it or help a friend think twice about it. You can frame it in a way that suggests someone that age should be able to get someone their own age, if not…there’s something wrong with them! If your kid is older and pushes back about the age difference between you and your partner, talk about age differences mattering less for adults (it’s called Developmental Psychology kid….look it up).
Standing up to haters. Discuss standing up for others who are being bullied or sexually harassed, it happens more for the former than the latter (3). Bullying starts young (kindergarten) and sexual harassment does too (by middle school) (4). As a parent, if we are not part of the solution, we are part of the problem. As kids grow up, these intervention skills translate into intervening if they see someone being sexually assaulted in young adulthood or sexually harassed in the workplace, as well as not engaging in sexism in the locker room.
Telling a trusted adult when something doesn’t seem right. Think something weird is going on? Tell someone. Communicate that a parent, camp counselor, or a head teacher are all good choices. Assure kids that no one will get in trouble for just asking/telling someone. After the first day or two of camp, check in with your kid and ask them who is an adult they can trust? What is their name? Check in about this person and others as time goes on.
Safe summer lovin’. We’re talkin’ older teens at sleepover camps now. Bottom line: It’s not easy to get condoms while camping. Most general stores have them, but they are expensive and run out quickly. There are usually rules around leaving camp that also make it impossible. For kids at home during the summer, yeah…you remember summers! Grease, anyone? Although you might hope that your kid doesn’t have sex, it’s ultimately their decision…and this decision is heavily, even physiologically influenced by peers (5) and media (6). You can’t control it. But you can inform it and ensure that they have access to condoms. One strategy is to have condoms in a bathroom that is accessible to all-next to feminine hygiene products makes sense. Meaning, having condoms and tampons in the general access bathroom regardless of the gender of people in your house sends the message that these items are normal and for everyone to be comfortable with. They are just a part of health and hygiene.

Chances are, nothing bad will happen to your kid at summer camp. But use this as another opportunity to continue “the talk”. Just like the repetitive act of teaching your kid to share, use the toilet, and put their clothes in the laundry basket, they also need repetition to appreciate how awesome their bodies are, how powerful their voices are, and how in charge of their own lives they are.

References:
(1) Cromer, L.D. & Goldsmith, R.E. (2010) Child Sexual Abuse Myths: Attitudes, Beliefs, and Individual Differences. Journal of Child Sexual Abuse, 19, 618-647.
(2) Colton, M., Roberts, S. & Vanstone, M. (2010) Sexual Abuse by Men Who Work with Children. Journal of Child Sexual Abuse, 19, 345-364
(3) Nickerson, A. B., Aloe, A. M., Livingston, J. A., & Feeley, T. H. (2014). Measurement of the bystander intervention model for bullying and sexual harassment. Journal of Adolescence, 37, 391-400.
(4) Lichty, L. F., & Campbell, R. (2012). Targets and witnesses: Middle school students’ sexual harassment experiences. The Journal of Early Adolescence, 32, 414-430.
(5) Chein, J., Albert, D., O’Brien, L., Uckert, K., & Steinberg, L. (2011). Peers increase adolescent risk taking by enhancing activity in the brain’s reward circuitry. Developmental Science, 14, 1-10.
(6) Pinkleton, B.E., Austin, E.W., Chen, Y. & Cohen, M. (2012) The Role of Media Literacy in Shaping Adolescents' Understanding of and Responses to Sexual Portrayals in Mass Media. Journal of Health Communication, 17, 460-476,