There is nothing new, unique, or even creative about Fifty Shades of Grey. It’s just the latest installment of pop culture messages that teach girls and young women that truly hot and irresistible love includes some element of violence and danger.
These messages start when you’re little with Beauty and the Beast. As a girl, you learn to be nice and patient with an abusive partner, and as long as you remain so, he will change his behavior and transform into a Prince. It doesn’t matter that he’s throwing things at you, locking you up in a room, not letting you eat without him, not letting you get to your father…he will change…you just need to tame him. But Beauty and the Beast isn’t real….
I know, talking about sex with kids is hard enough, let alone talking about porn! You may have tried to have “the talk”, and that was awkward, so now you just hope for the best! You’re not alone. Our ever-growing-media-saturated culture is not easy to keep up with. Even sex educators and sex researchers like myself have a hard time keeping up. Luckily, you get more than one shot. Talking about sex and porn isn’t a one-time only deal. Especially if your children are young or haven’t seen much porn yet. So, make sure to read part 1 of this 3-part series and prepare yourself first. In my years of studying and talking about sexuality and pornography with college students, teachers, social workers, counselors, and academics, I’ve discovered some important talking points to get conversations going. Regardless of how you feel about how right or wrong porn is, it is essential you understand porn and sex are quite different and should be approached differently.
I've been getting lots of requests for videos aimed at teens that can help explain some of the topics I cover in my workshops. I came across this wonderful series of videos that do just that. They cover several sexual and romantic topics from a scientific perspective. Enjoy!
The Science of Love
The Science of Heartbreak
The Science of 'Plan B' Emergency Contraception
Childbirth vs. Getting Kicked in the Balls
The Science of Pornography Addiction
The Science of Morning Wood
The Science of Orgasms
I am thrilled to dig into Masters of Sex, which premieres tonight (9/29/13) on Showtime. The new series is based off the true story of Masters & Johnson’s pioneering work which established the study of human sexuality as a science. During the 1950s, Masters & Johnson broke down all social barriers at the time to study the physiological sexual response cycle by observing and measuring masturbation and intercourse between men and women in their lab.
I just read a hilarious account of one woman’s experience of
having sex with her husband every day for a year. Ummm, who has that kind of time?! Her main motivation was to work through some body image issues. However, this has become a trend as more sex therapists like this one and also this one have started to “prescribe sex” to increase desire for sex. One couple may have helped to pioneer this trend when they wrote a book about their experience of 365 nights of sex. The idea is to “fake it before you make it”. They say it takes 21 days of doing something before it becomes habit. 21 days of sex is much more
doable than 365! Think of it like starting an exercise program. You hate it in the beginning, but then it just becomes a part of your routine. However, Please don’t confuse having sex (with someone you love and trust) when you don’t desire to for non-consensual sex. There are many reasons couples have sex, one is relationship maintenance. This is when you have sex to please your partner even when you aren’t actually in the mood. This is a form of consensual, unwanted sex. In the academic world, it is known as sexual compliance. Understanding this and deciding to have “mutual unwanted sex” can be helpful for relationships that are ebbing instead of flowing. As I’ve learned from Esther Perel, desire doesn’t come naturally after years with the same person. So if you wait around until you have an urge, it could be awhile. Therefore, you’ve got to make an effort to create the sparks you want. I hope you are inspired by the information in this blog and attempt to get it on every day for [insert tolerance level in the form of a number] days with your significant other!
About this Blog:
I'm here to help us discuss sexuality, gender, and media by integrating information from academic and mainstream sources. I hope this resource produces more sexually competent people who raise sexually competent kids.