I Came Out of Your What?! Talking to Kids About How They Came to Be

Copyright : Anna Bizoń/123RF Stock Photo

I know it’s a tough subject. Many parents are determined to do better than their parents did. But how do we start? When do we start? How do we tell them the truth about where babies come from without scarring them for life? The good news is that it is much easier than you think, because BOOKS. Glorious BOOKS! You don’t need to even think about how to start. You start with BOOKS. When to start? Today! Here’s the rundown on my favorite ways to approach everyone’s favorite topic with kids under 11.

​If you are currently pregnant with someone’s future sibling, an excellent way to carry out this conversation is with the book, What’s in There? I must have read it with my 2-3 year old daughter 40 times when I was pregnant. It follows a family through the seasons as the baby inside the mommy grows. You see the baby getting bigger in her uterus and with each new change in the season, the baby is developing new body parts and functions. When the mom goes into labor, different methods of birth are discussed. It’s fabulous. So easy. My daughter loved the concept of an umbilical cord, and every time I ate she would remind me that the food is going straight to the baby through the placenta! No pressure there at all. Even if you don’t plan to be pregnant again, it can be a good read to reflect back on a pregnancy and share stories of what it was like to have your child grow inside of you.

If you have a toddler who is getting pretty skilled at “self-exploration” (aka masturbation), it’s likely time to give them the vocabulary for what they are trying to explore. In this case, I love the book Amazing You. It lays out who has what genitalia and why some body parts are private parts.  Bottom line, you should be using the anatomically correct language for genitals. Even though some adults don’t think their children should not say “vagina” or “penis”, these words need to be said with the same ease as “elbow” and “ear”. Genitals are just as much a part of the body as fingers, toes, heart, and brain. There really should be no blushing from anyone. If you are still in blush mode, play a little game I like to call Dramatic Anatomy! Perpetrators of sexual abuse sniff this discomfort out-BIG TIME. If a child refers to their genitals as a “wee-wee” or “down there”, a perpetrator knows that child will be less likely to tell an adult if someone has touched them inappropriately. 

By age 3, your child should know the proper language for their body parts and who and under what contexts another person could be touching their genitals. ​Teach your child that their body is their own. Make sure they know that no one, not even you, can tell them what to do with their body. You can begin instilling this concept at a young age by not making your children hug or kiss a relative or friend that they don’t want to. Give high-fives, fist-bumps, or waves as options. ​My favorite books about sexual abuse prevention for young children is I Said No! and My Body Belongs to Me.

By age 8, your child should know how a baby is made the old fashioned way (sperm meets egg) as well as how babies are born in our hearts (through adoption) or through surrogacy, etc. Take their lead on it, if they ask, answer honestly. This is the age where kids are most likely to hear about sperm and eggs from their friends. You want to make sure you’ve established yourself as an approachable parent who has already informed them, so they go to you (before friends) with sex questions he has in the future. My favorite books to help facilitate these conversations are It’s Not the Stork! for kids under 8 and It’s so Amazing!  for kids 8-11. In my opinion there’s no harm in withholding the information about sperm coming out of the penis and going into a vagina. You can get into more detail as they ask for more detail. But most kids are satisfied with sperm and egg = embryo that grows inside a uterus. They’re little scientists who soak this up before the embarrassment of middle school sets in! If you’d like a less gendered approach, the book What Makes a Baby is really simple, straightforward, and manages to explain this topic without too much focus on the gender of the parents.

​Happy reading! Let me know how it goes!

*Disclaimer: I could potentially earn amazon credit if you purchase one of these books using the link associated with the picture or the text. It does not increase the cost to you. It just makes Amazon's profit slightly less, as they have to give me a cut.  Thanks for your support!