There is currently a proposal for a new documentary titled, The Mask You Live In, on kickstarter. The aim for the documentary is to address the "boy crisis" by highlighting our societal standards for masculinity that create emotionally detached (and therefore more violent and depressed) boys and men. I wrote about another organization, The Demise of Guys, which also addresses how and why boys are struggling and what we can do about it. I’m excited about The Mask You Live In for two reasons: One, the creator is Jennifer Siebel Newsom, from Miss Representation, which is a wonderful documentary about the portrayal (or lack thereof) of women and girls in the media. Two, Jackson Katz is on board. If you haven’t seen Tough Guise, make a date with yourself and see it. The Mask You Live In seems like it would be a wonderful progression from that work. Please spread the word, so they can get the backing and funding they need to get this much-needed project underway!
I just read a hilarious account of one woman’s experience of
having sex with her husband every day for a year. Ummm, who has that kind of time?! Her main motivation was to work through some body image issues. However, this has become a trend as more sex therapists like this one and also this one have started to “prescribe sex” to increase desire for sex. One couple may have helped to pioneer this trend when they wrote a book about their experience of 365 nights of sex. The idea is to “fake it before you make it”. They say it takes 21 days of doing something before it becomes habit. 21 days of sex is much more
doable than 365! Think of it like starting an exercise program. You hate it in the beginning, but then it just becomes a part of your routine. However, Please don’t confuse having sex (with someone you love and trust) when you don’t desire to for non-consensual sex. There are many reasons couples have sex, one is relationship maintenance. This is when you have sex to please your partner even when you aren’t actually in the mood. This is a form of consensual, unwanted sex. In the academic world, it is known as sexual compliance. Understanding this and deciding to have “mutual unwanted sex” can be helpful for relationships that are ebbing instead of flowing. As I’ve learned from Esther Perel, desire doesn’t come naturally after years with the same person. So if you wait around until you have an urge, it could be awhile. Therefore, you’ve got to make an effort to create the sparks you want. I hope you are inspired by the information in this blog and attempt to get it on every day for [insert tolerance level in the form of a number] days with your significant other!
About this Blog:
I'm here to help us discuss sexuality, gender, sexual media, and social media by integrating information from academic and mainstream sources. I do this so you can be informed about what is going on in the sex research world and apply the research to your life. I hope this process produces more sexually competent people who raise sexually competent kids.
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